this is something new im trying.

so i had a job interview with rascal flatts.
2 actually.

i have yet to hear back from them, and im starting to worry a little.
some of you know and some of you dont know that i dropped out of the pre-vet program at mtsu.
it just wasnt for me.

ive just been so worried that im not going to find my place in life soon enough
its forcing me to make some irrational and snap decisions.

i mean i have no idea what i want to do.
and i know that i dont have to know what i want to do forever right now,
but why does everyone make it seem like you do?

why is everyone in such a rush that it forces me to be in a rush?
there are so many things in my life that i think im ready for.

in the meantime, im completing my admissions for belmont's masters in teaching program.
i will simultaneously receive a bachelors in english..
grades 7-12.
not something i ever thought i would do.

i have always felt i am here for some great reason.
i am supposed to make an impact- as boastful as it sounds.
what better way than becoming a teacher?

at least i will always have a respectable and enjoyable fallback plan.
lets hope.

employment, relationships, my future- its seems im so ready for each, but they're just not ready for me.
i feel like ive tried to make each happen, but im constantly failing.

its like im losing in my own race of life.

tim left for africa on friday.
its been on my mind quite a lot.
a lot more than i thought it would.
our relationship evolved and morphed so many times in the near 3 years ive known him.
its hard to realize that he is finally out of my physical life.

now im forced to move on and experience what ive been holding out on.
it just seems that nothing is quite ready for me..

maybe this is just who i am.
sorry im dumping this on everyone..
i just wanted to write about something that is real.