when things are great, they're still just ok?

i read a previous post and realized i have yet to conclude my rascal flatts story.
i ended up not getting the position
apparently, they are not hiring anyone at this time.
i was told tour assistants would be used to fill the position until they left for tour again.

ive known for a while but realizations have sunk in
-the music industry is not doing well.
people are losing their jobs
others are literally working FOR FREE.

if 20 year veterans are having a hard time,
why would a 20 something recent college grad be hired off the street?
besides the fact that this 20 something would work for free.
oh desperation.

then to top it off...
if its possible to fail the GRE, ive done it.
lets hope belmont really doesnt care about my score.
YIKEES!

on the up-side...
a very amazing person has recently entered my life.
his determination and motivation keep me positive everyday.
i hope it also keeps me focused for a while to come.

i dont think he realizes how happy he has already made me in such a short time.
as im usually at a loss for words in a serious conversation,
i hope he'll read this.



in conclusion:: love life is ahhmazing, work life not so much >> education here i come, i hope.

this is hot.

halle berry was voted sexiest woman alive by esquire mag..
yea she totally deserves it..

her acceptance speech is unbeatable.
here's a highlight- so go read it yourself.

Ah, yes: the big O. You know that stuff they say about a woman being responsible for her own orgasms? That's all true. And in my case, that makes me responsible for pretty damned good orgasms these days. Much better orgasms than when I was twenty-two. And I wouldn't let a man control that. Not anymore. Now I'd invite him to participate. I'll tell you this: I've learned my tricks. I know what I like. I do not wait around. I initiate. And I'm not all about frequency. I favor intensity.

oh baby.. i cant wait to get through my 20s, haha..

read it here

this is something new im trying.

so i had a job interview with rascal flatts.
2 actually.

i have yet to hear back from them, and im starting to worry a little.
some of you know and some of you dont know that i dropped out of the pre-vet program at mtsu.
it just wasnt for me.

ive just been so worried that im not going to find my place in life soon enough
its forcing me to make some irrational and snap decisions.

i mean i have no idea what i want to do.
and i know that i dont have to know what i want to do forever right now,
but why does everyone make it seem like you do?

why is everyone in such a rush that it forces me to be in a rush?
there are so many things in my life that i think im ready for.

in the meantime, im completing my admissions for belmont's masters in teaching program.
i will simultaneously receive a bachelors in english..
grades 7-12.
not something i ever thought i would do.

i have always felt i am here for some great reason.
i am supposed to make an impact- as boastful as it sounds.
what better way than becoming a teacher?

at least i will always have a respectable and enjoyable fallback plan.
lets hope.

employment, relationships, my future- its seems im so ready for each, but they're just not ready for me.
i feel like ive tried to make each happen, but im constantly failing.

its like im losing in my own race of life.

tim left for africa on friday.
its been on my mind quite a lot.
a lot more than i thought it would.
our relationship evolved and morphed so many times in the near 3 years ive known him.
its hard to realize that he is finally out of my physical life.

now im forced to move on and experience what ive been holding out on.
it just seems that nothing is quite ready for me..

maybe this is just who i am.
sorry im dumping this on everyone..
i just wanted to write about something that is real.